The Lazy Diary

I've been fighting depression for almost 2 years now. I tried many combinations of medicines and even saw a psychiatrist for a bit. Nothing really worked for me so I got discouraged and stopped everything awhile ago. Funny thing is, it seemed like my mind was clear again, but the laziness, the yelling at the kids, the not cooking and the sleeping all the time was still there.

So I went back to my doctor a couple of months ago and she restarted me on Lexapro 10mg, 1x a day and clonazapam .5mg, 2x a day. I gave it a while to work and it didn't. I felt I got worse and ended up in my doctors office crying to her that all I ever wanted to be in my life was a mother and now I didn't want to be a mother anymore. I'd lie in bed and list the pros & cons of life against death. (Don't worry, I wasn't really suicidal - my kids will always win against any idea of death).

So she doubled my medicine doses and suggested I talk with a psychologist. So I went home and started my higher doses which made me so tired for 2 weeks I could barely get out of bed. But after those 2 weeks I felt different. A little better. Glen & I talked and decided the best way for me to recover was to take things one step at a time and not to get overwhelmed and shut down like I normally do. So when I started to feel better I sat down with Glen and asked him what's next and he said "start cooking". We have been eating out for so long it's no wonder I"m 191 pounds and it really ate into our money.

So, to end this long story, I started cooking daily which keeps me on to of cleaning my kitchen at least. But I find myself going around the house every day and cleaning here and there. I'm yelling at the kids less and taking them outside to play more and I started exercising.

I feel so good about myself and I'm not overwhelmed. I'm finding keeping up with things in my life is not hard at all and most of all, my husband is so proud of me. He's been so encouraging because he wants me well. I am so lucky to have the family I do and happy that I'm getting well for me and them!

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My baby boy isn't a baby anymore. Well he hasn't been a baby for a long time but he'll always be my baby boy. He turned 6 today and these were his birthday requests:

• no singing
• no cake
• no party
• only presents

He was happy with his presents and had a good day today. Not much in the meltdown department. I'm very happy today!

Sara loves Glenie's Big Wheel. It's time to get her a new bike!


Walking

Week 2 - Day 2

Well I made a BIG mistake today. I woke up from my nap at 7 and went out for my walk - WITHOUT STRETCHING! My legs were killing me 3 minutes in. I finished my mile in 17:30 but I did a lot of slow walking, so I know I didn't get much out of this walk. Now I know better - always stretch!


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Day 5 - End of Week 1 I did my mile in 16:09.  I added in some jogging.

Day 1 - Week 2 I did my mile in 15:51, still adding some jogging.  But todays walk really made me ache.  I guess I must be pushing myself harder which is good.

LIFE Glenie did great with his first 3 days of school.  His only complaint is the class saying the Pledge, it hurts his ears.  But he's doing his work and did some main streaming with the 1st grade class next door this week and did very well.

His 6th birthday is Sunday.  I can't believe it!  We got him a big wheel bike.  He doesn't have the strength to pedal a regual bike and his physical therapist suggested getting a big wheel.  I hope he likes it.

He's about to lose his 1st tooth, but not naturally.  Daddy was playing with Sara last night and somehow her head collided to Glenie's face and now he has a loose tooth.  He's not very happy about it and wants us to fix it.

Sara's been such a good girl lately.  What's even better for her is Glenie has been playing with her.  He used to not care to play with her but they are running around, laughing and playing every day.  It makes me so happy.

She wants to go to school so bad.  I wish our town had free Pre-K because with me not working we just can't afford it.  But I have some workbooks that I plan on teaching her with.  I know it's not the same because what she really craves is the interaction with other kids, but it's a start.

My big boy started 1st grade today in a new school and he did GREAT!  He hasn't been feeling well for a week now but he felt great at school and told me he made a new friend (but doesn't remember his name, lol). Since Glenie is now in district school he doesn't take the bus which means I have to drive him and Sara has to get up in the morning.  Well Sara is a night owl and just doesn't go to sleep at night.  So when I woke her up at 8AM she was none to happy.  It was like trying to wake a teenager for school.  So by 2:30PM she was CRANKY but refused to nap.  She better get used to it!  LOL

Whew, I'm all pumped up after my walks.  My shins are killing me, but walking and working up a sweat is so good for me!  Today I loged 17 minutes 17 seconds.  I knew walking with my sister was holding me back, lol.

I really think I'm going to be able to stick with this!  Although I ache all over from working in the yard and around the house, then walking, I still love getting exercise. My time was a little slower today, but not by much.  I did the mile in 18 minutes 46 seconds.  I walked with my sister and I think our chatting slowed us down a bit.