The Lazy Diary

My exercising and yoga have all gone to the wind.  I'm so mad at myself because doing them was making me feel so fantastic.  Why is it that I know if I walk and do yoga, I'm going to be energized and feel great, yet I can't bring my lazy ass to do them?

What I'm doing is spiraling downwards, back into my old lazy habits and into my depression.  This is NOT good at all.  Not good for me or my family.  Right now my baby boy needs me to be in tip top shape because he's not.  He's having so many problems in school and it's rough on everyone.

He's being defiant in school, constantly yelling, getting sent to the VP's office and even got sent home early one day because his disruptions are out of hand.  We went to see his neuro-developmental pediatrician (she's a GREAT doctor) and she started him on ADHD meds because that is the type of behavior he is exhibiting.  We haven't changed his Autism diagnosis to ADHD yet, but I see it coming in his near future.

I was also inform last month at his neurology visit that he has a small area of brain damage in his right frontal lobe.  It's where they had to retract that part of the brain to gain access to his tumor.  I knew this could possible happen and I'm not upset, things could have been so much worse.  But the doctor said this damage is permanant.  So his case worker at school is looking into the possiblity of changing his Autism diagnosis to Traumatic Brain Injury as his primary diagnosis with ADHD as a secondary, likely caused by the TBI.

So much is going on in our home, with Glenie alone, it's so much stress.  I have to make sure I keep up on my meds to be able to deal with it all.  I do need to get back to some form of exercise because it makes me feel good and that is what I need in my life right now.

Time to talk about Sara, we can't forget about her.  But there's not much to say.  She's doing great.  She's happy and getting along very well with Glenie, which I know means the world to her.  She adores her brother.  She's home with me during the day while Glenie is at school and she's so good for me.  She's really maturing.  She does have one bad habit thought - she's addicted to junk food!  Ick!

Current Mood: Sad

I've been fighting depression for almost 2 years now. I tried many combinations of medicines and even saw a psychiatrist for a bit. Nothing really worked for me so I got discouraged and stopped everything awhile ago. Funny thing is, it seemed like my mind was clear again, but the laziness, the yelling at the kids, the not cooking and the sleeping all the time was still there.

So I went back to my doctor a couple of months ago and she restarted me on Lexapro 10mg, 1x a day and clonazapam .5mg, 2x a day. I gave it a while to work and it didn't. I felt I got worse and ended up in my doctors office crying to her that all I ever wanted to be in my life was a mother and now I didn't want to be a mother anymore. I'd lie in bed and list the pros & cons of life against death. (Don't worry, I wasn't really suicidal - my kids will always win against any idea of death).

So she doubled my medicine doses and suggested I talk with a psychologist. So I went home and started my higher doses which made me so tired for 2 weeks I could barely get out of bed. But after those 2 weeks I felt different. A little better. Glen & I talked and decided the best way for me to recover was to take things one step at a time and not to get overwhelmed and shut down like I normally do. So when I started to feel better I sat down with Glen and asked him what's next and he said "start cooking". We have been eating out for so long it's no wonder I"m 191 pounds and it really ate into our money.

So, to end this long story, I started cooking daily which keeps me on to of cleaning my kitchen at least. But I find myself going around the house every day and cleaning here and there. I'm yelling at the kids less and taking them outside to play more and I started exercising.

I feel so good about myself and I'm not overwhelmed. I'm finding keeping up with things in my life is not hard at all and most of all, my husband is so proud of me. He's been so encouraging because he wants me well. I am so lucky to have the family I do and happy that I'm getting well for me and them!

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My baby boy isn't a baby anymore. Well he hasn't been a baby for a long time but he'll always be my baby boy. He turned 6 today and these were his birthday requests:

• no singing
• no cake
• no party
• only presents

He was happy with his presents and had a good day today. Not much in the meltdown department. I'm very happy today!

Sara loves Glenie's Big Wheel. It's time to get her a new bike!


Walking

Week 2 - Day 2

Well I made a BIG mistake today. I woke up from my nap at 7 and went out for my walk - WITHOUT STRETCHING! My legs were killing me 3 minutes in. I finished my mile in 17:30 but I did a lot of slow walking, so I know I didn't get much out of this walk. Now I know better - always stretch!


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Day 5 - End of Week 1 I did my mile in 16:09.  I added in some jogging.

Day 1 - Week 2 I did my mile in 15:51, still adding some jogging.  But todays walk really made me ache.  I guess I must be pushing myself harder which is good.

LIFE Glenie did great with his first 3 days of school.  His only complaint is the class saying the Pledge, it hurts his ears.  But he's doing his work and did some main streaming with the 1st grade class next door this week and did very well.

His 6th birthday is Sunday.  I can't believe it!  We got him a big wheel bike.  He doesn't have the strength to pedal a regual bike and his physical therapist suggested getting a big wheel.  I hope he likes it.

He's about to lose his 1st tooth, but not naturally.  Daddy was playing with Sara last night and somehow her head collided to Glenie's face and now he has a loose tooth.  He's not very happy about it and wants us to fix it.

Sara's been such a good girl lately.  What's even better for her is Glenie has been playing with her.  He used to not care to play with her but they are running around, laughing and playing every day.  It makes me so happy.

She wants to go to school so bad.  I wish our town had free Pre-K because with me not working we just can't afford it.  But I have some workbooks that I plan on teaching her with.  I know it's not the same because what she really craves is the interaction with other kids, but it's a start.

My big boy started 1st grade today in a new school and he did GREAT!  He hasn't been feeling well for a week now but he felt great at school and told me he made a new friend (but doesn't remember his name, lol). Since Glenie is now in district school he doesn't take the bus which means I have to drive him and Sara has to get up in the morning.  Well Sara is a night owl and just doesn't go to sleep at night.  So when I woke her up at 8AM she was none to happy.  It was like trying to wake a teenager for school.  So by 2:30PM she was CRANKY but refused to nap.  She better get used to it!  LOL

Whew, I'm all pumped up after my walks.  My shins are killing me, but walking and working up a sweat is so good for me!  Today I loged 17 minutes 17 seconds.  I knew walking with my sister was holding me back, lol.

I really think I'm going to be able to stick with this!  Although I ache all over from working in the yard and around the house, then walking, I still love getting exercise. My time was a little slower today, but not by much.  I did the mile in 18 minutes 46 seconds.  I walked with my sister and I think our chatting slowed us down a bit.

Today was my 2nd day doing my mile walk and I did even better!  Not a huge difference but I did my mile in 17 minutes & 50 seconds. I really feel great after my walks.  I have so much energy when I get home I can't sit still.  Yay!  I'm feeling so good about this!

Yesterday was Gia's mom's (my second mom) 60th birthday party.  Happy Birthday Mom!  My present to her was a picture of all her girls in a frame. Everyone loved it, because lets face it, it's a terrific picture!  LOL  Gina & Felicia's mom, Carol (my third mom) wants one too for her birthday, which she will definitely get.  But it got me thinking . . . I wish I could give this picture to my mom.  We were her girls too. So that's what I've been thinking about today. Aside from that, I got nothing accomplished today as I took a LONG nap. I'm waiting on dinner now then I'm going to go for my mile walk.  I skiped it yesterday (bad or should I say lazy Jody).  Then MAYBE I'll get the house straightened up a bit.  But that's a BIG maybe!

I got this from my Family Circle a few months ago. Walk it off - Lose 10 pounds by Summer (lol)

• Week 1: Map out a mile-long loop that begins and ends at your front door. Try to walk that mile in 24 minutes or less, 5 times a week. Before you progress to week 2, asses how your body handled the workout. If week 1 was difficult, stick with the routine for at least another week.
• Week 2: Pick up the pace. Concentrate on moving faster and attempt to complete that 1 mile in 20 to 22 minutes or less (again, do it 5 times this week). Again gauge how you feel before progressing to the next level.
• Week 3: Go just a bit farther. On your 5 walks this week strive to cover 1 1/2 miles in 30 minutes.
• Week 4: Do the loop, times 2: Walk 2 miles on each of the 5 days. Attempt to finish in 40 minutes. If this is too much, complete 1 loop in the morning and 1 at night.

After walking around 2 theme parks this week I decided I was ready to start this.  I got my MP3 player and my cell phone (it has a stopwatch) and headed out the door to walk my mile.  I was a bit achy but kept a good stride and did the mile in 18 minutes and 5 seconds.  I'm so impressed with myself!  I can't wait to do it again tomorrow! Here is the link to help you map out a mile: http://www.usatf.org/routes/map/ it's very helpful. And I really don't want to post this, but my starting weight today is 192.8 pounds.